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Sunday, August 30, 2020

Slow

Boy, is that ever the word of the day

(this day, yesterday, the days of my life):

Slow.

I could itemize the decades of

Fast

that signaled my life,

but that would get us nowhere.

For is that not the irony?

The faster you go,

the more nowhere you end up.

 

So I'll not review those long years of

Fast,

but will bring us

(not quickly but in due course) to

Slow

and its life-changing properties.

Detractors tell me sometimes that

I haven't changed at all.

That I am still doing, still running,

still too fast.

How little they know.

How little they see.

My inner engine barely moves.

I sit and contemplate

the workings of my soul.

I am still.

 

 

Copyright © 2020 Ann Tudor
Musings blog: http://www.scenesfromthejourney.blogspot.com
Audible.Ca: go to https://www.audible.ca and search for Ann Tudor
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Sunday, August 23, 2020

Having Fun

What do you do for fun? Now, there's a question from the blue, and one we might not want to answer.

 

"Fun" is a loaded word. To me it's kind of like the verb "to party", which apparently means simply to drink to the point of drunkenness. I don't party well. Even normal parties (where the goal is conversation, not drunkenness) scare the living daylights out of me. Thus, I'm always the first to leave. The death of the party, so to speak.

 

So what IS my idea of fun? A one-on-one conversation, perhaps. While both my daughters were visiting during early January, we spent four hours, just the three of us, sitting in the front alcove, talking.

 

Anyway, there's my answer: a long, heartfelt conversation is fun. Breaking the edge-ice along the sidewalk is fun. Drawing a cartoon strip (thank you, Linda Barry) is fun. Reading a book is fun. Doing the morning puzzles in the Globe is fun. Talking is fun.

 

My most recent insight into joy (related to but not the same as "fun") is this: I look at my life and say, "Where is the joy?", because I can't pinpoint many moments of sheer joy (this is obviously just a memory problem). And then (I'm slow to reach this point) I realize that the verb "enjoy" means literally to bring joy to something. To wrap it in joy. So the trick is not to search for elusive moments of joy from the past but to en-joy the moments that are there. If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with. Make every moment a joyful one. Pollyanna, may I present Deepak Chopra.

 

So I'm out in the kitchen filling the quart measuring cup with water to pour into the new Brita filter and I think, "I really like doing this." The truth is that I like doing mundane tasks. If you do mundane things with a willing heart, then they transcend the physical and become part of your spiritual life—the forward motion of your spiritual life. And by extension, as you move forward spiritually, surely you can also advance along the emotional plane. Onward and upward! Up in the air, junior birdman! Keep your wings upon the ground.

 

 

Copyright © 2020 Ann Tudor
Musings blog: http://www.scenesfromthejourney.blogspot.com
Audible.Ca: go to https://www.audible.ca and search for Ann Tudor
Audible.Com: go to https://www.audible.com and search for Ann Tudor




 

Sunday, August 16, 2020

An Oat Idea

My food story today is about oats. Well, it's about breakfast. I could easily eat an egg, or even two, every day for breakfast. But I've been swayed by those studies that tell me not to. So every morning I lie in bed and contemplate what my breakfast will be. I used to make pancakes, waffles, and French toast regularly, because I love them all.

 

But now I'm more aware of gluten and sugar, so I shy away from such things. Not completely, of course. I still love my pancakes made from cooked whole grains. (See Fast & Fearless Cooking if you've forgotten how to make these.) My current favourite quick breakfast is a bowl of blueberries from the stash in our freezer, toasted oats, pumpkin seeds, and yogurt. Here's the breakdown (for one person):

 

Turn on a burner and heat a dry (no oil) cast iron skillet. Put into it half a cup of oatmeal flakes and a couple tablespoons of pumpkin seeds. Measurements are unimportant; use as much or as little as you want to eat.

 

Pour some frozen blueberries into a cereal dish—about half a cup.

 

Make coffee. Allot the day's vitamin pills into their two little bowls. Put away a few pots and pans from the drainer.

 

Give the oats/pumpkin seeds a toss. You can stir them with a wooden spoon, but this is a good opportunity to practice that chef-y trick of flipping the contents with a quick shove forward, then back.

 

Take your ashwaganda capsule. Take a spoonful of nettle tincture to make your hair grow (it won't work, but it isn't expensive and anything is worth a try).

 

Flip the oats and seeds again. By now the oats should be toasting nicely and the seeds might even have started crackling.

 

Before they burn, dump the skillet contents on top of the frozen blueberries. See, this is the genius moment: the hot oats will cause the blueberries to thaw so that by the time you eat them they won't freeze your teeth.

 

Add some plain yogurt, about a third to a half of a cup. The sheep's milk yogurt from Best Baa is the absolutely best yogurt in the city—as rich and creamy as Greek yogurt without all the hype.

 

Load up the tray with his coffee, your chocolate tea, the little vitamin dishes, and your bowl of oats and blueberries, and walk carefully to the alcove, with the Globe under your arm. Sit. Eat. Read the Letters to the Editor.

 

In case you're worried, I have in the meantime prepared DinoVino's bowl of ground flax, pumpkin and sunflower seeds, and hemp hearts. He doesn't like to eat first thing in the morning, so he will, in a couple of hours, mix in a giant spoonful of commercial pesto and gobble it down.

 

Tomorrow you can have a butter-steamed egg on your homemade sourdough bread, toasted.

 

 

Copyright © 2020 Ann Tudor
Musings blog: http://www.scenesfromthejourney.blogspot.com
Audible.Ca: go to https://www.audible.ca and search for Ann Tudor
Audible.Com: go to https://www.audible.com and search for Ann Tudor




 

Sunday, August 9, 2020

Any Tiny Reality

My pen is poised

a millimeter above its possible resting place

on this small-lined page

whose blankness threatens.

 

I don't respond well to threats

and nor does this pretty pen I'm pushing.

I could use some encouragement instead,

some soothing reminder

that poems are possible even when

chaos and destruction seem inevitable.

 

Look beyond that,

I need to hear.

Take the long view,

the wider perspective.

Someone should tell me

to enlarge what is minute

and let it fill the frame.

To see the catalpa beans  

pointing plumb to the ground

like professors of gravity.

To imagine mulberries,

often scorned and allowed to fall

(gravity again)

and stain sidewalks purple

but better treasured and transformed

into pies or preserves.

 

I am reminding myself 

to think of any tiny reality that offers life.

 
 
Copyright © 2020Ann Tudor
Musings blog: http://www.scenesfromthejourney.blogspot.com
Audible.Ca: go to https://www.audible.ca and search for Ann Tudor
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Sunday, August 2, 2020

Thoughts on Wearing a Mask

Imagine a mask. If I put it over my face, would I automatically have thick, dark hair? Would I be a different person, empowered to act in a different way? I think I'd be bolder. More assertive. Surely I'd be happier—or at least I would appear happier. Probably I'd have better teeth and would therefore smile more widely. Oh, with a mask on my teeth wouldn't show anyway. Okay, forget the teeth.

 

Maybe in a mask I'd even have a different wardrobe, but that (like the teeth business) is just too superficial to mention. Back to essentials: who would I be under that mask? Whose actions would I be performing?

 

Well, with my face hidden I'd be quite a bit younger, and that would change everything. I'd be in my 40s. Much younger than my children are now, even, and more or less my whole life would lie ahead of me. But you know, I wouldn't change a thing. My life has had a trajectory (though I wasn't ever aware of it at the time) that has brought me to here. And this is where I want to be. In this life, this part of my life. So I might as well take off the mask of this dark-haired beauty and rest in the love of myself that has been so hard-won.

 

 
Copyright © 2020 Ann Tudor
Musings blog: http://www.scenesfromthejourney.blogspot.com
Audible.Ca: go to https://www.audible.ca and search for Ann Tudor
Audible.Com: go to https://www.audible.com and search for Ann Tudor