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Monday, December 26, 2022

A Light in the Darkness

The light I want to kindle in the darkness of our being is the light of laughter. I can blame this on (or attribute it to) my father and the atmosphere of humour that he created in our home.  Sometimes the humour was more biting than was healthy, but still, there was a lot of laughing.

 

I want the relief and lightness of laughter for all of us, and I must admit that I have an aversion to what is not light. This comes uncomfortably close to superficiality, doesn't it? I'm thinking here about forms of entertainment. When it comes to movies, for example, my husband is a fan of noir (sometimes literally noir, as in black-and-white, with most scenes set in impenetrable shadow). The movies I like—virtually the only ones I can watch—are the screwball comedies from the 1930s. I'll accept a few more recent films, such as "Some Like It Hot". I obviously prefer to steer clear of reality in my movie-watching, and I recognize that this is not necessarily a good thing.

 

At bottom, I counsel lightness and brightness. Wit and cleverness. And an openness to risibility in all things.

 

I wish this for everyone now and during the coming year.

 

 

[Apologies for the late delivery of this Scene. The combination of Christmas, birthday, and Sunday knocked all my routines into a cocked hat. Compliments of the season to you all, including but not limited to those who celebrated a birthday on December 25--particularly the Baby Jesus, my great-nephew Nate Johnson, our friend Richard N., and my own self.]

 

 
 
Copyright © 2022 Ann Tudor
Musings blog: http://www.scenesfromthejourney.blogspot.com
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Sunday, December 18, 2022

Lights of the Season

At six in the morning after a frosty night

the two east-facing windows

are patched with ice

and the neighbouring condo's security lights

make subdued blobs of stained glass

for my pleasure.

 

Through the west window

the lighted evergreen across the street,

dwarfed by its house,

kaleidoscopes through my sheer curtains

into shimmering colours.

 

In the evening we sit in the alcove

at the front of the house,

dimly lit by our Christmas lights

and unseen by the world,

and reflect.

 

 
 
Copyright © 2022 Ann Tudor
Musings blog: http://www.scenesfromthejourney.blogspot.com
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Sunday, December 11, 2022

Opening the Windows

Surely it's all about opening the windows.

As if, at birth, our little selves transport

from the limitless reaches of the Multiverse

to individual glass houses

closed on every side

and our task is then to learn to open those glass walls

and thus to reclaim our birthright

(so rudely and deliberately hidden from us)

and this constitutes the lesson:

difficult for all of us

but more difficult for some

(and who knows why THAT is)

but here we are struggling with locks and bolts

and desperate, sometimes, to find again

those open vistas, those expansions,

that we remember being within our reach, once.

Oh, if we could just get these durned windows open!

 

 
 
Copyright © 2022 Ann Tudor
Musings blog: http://www.scenesfromthejourney.blogspot.com
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Sunday, December 4, 2022

How My Cousin J.T. Was Born

It's not a memory but the memory of a story, yet another story told about me as a baby, all of them emphasizing my unfriendly nature from the early days, the baby from hell, the disrupter of family peace.

 

In this particular story I am eleven months old. For some reason Myron and Eileen have taken my big brother, then three and a half, and gone off for the day. (Surly me imagines a much-needed holiday from difficult Baby Ann.)

 

I am left in the care of Aunt Jeannette. Jeannette is eight and a half months pregnant with her first child, who will be my cousin J.T. Her story (and it is her story because I am only eleven months old and will remember nothing) is this: as soon as my family leaves the house I look at Jeannette and begin to wail. I don't know whether she tries to comfort me. Maybe I won't allow it. I am not yet walking. Having seen her I crawl away from her, crying, into the next room and then the next. Gradually my tears stop though my breath is still ragged. Crawling through doorways brings me in a circle back to the living room where Jeannette sits. I see her, burst into tears, then turn around to crawl in the other direction--away from her. Only to find that "away from her" leads directly to her again.

 

This, according to Jeannette, goes on all day long. The circular path from room to room always brings me back to her. And then I scream again and go away from her again. And come upon her again. And scream.

 

My family came back to me that evening, or so they tell me. And later that night J.T. was born. Jeannette always insisted I brought on the birth by making her day so stressful.

 

Whose point of view shall we take here? Shall we imagine my beleaguered family who needed a brief vacation? Shall we put ourselves into the mind of poor Jeannette, assailed by her screaming baby niece? Or shall we provide some sympathy for an unhappy, abandoned baby?

 

 
 
Copyright © 2022 Ann Tudor
Musings blog: http://www.scenesfromthejourney.blogspot.com
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Sunday, November 27, 2022

Clouds

Clouds are always on my mind.

I look west in the early morning

and see the dark collection that expands

from the horizon,

demanding interest (which I freely give)

and inducing dread for the day's weather.

Nine times out of ten, however,

those ominous hulks are just a sham.

With the sun they divide, drift, disperse,

and become the sheep

that graze the blue sky

all day long.

 

 
 
Copyright © 2022 Ann Tudor
Musings blog: http://www.scenesfromthejourney.blogspot.com
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Sunday, November 20, 2022

Unsolicited Advice

My advice is always: you're meant to change. Change is good, I say, so stop fighting it. Go with it. Stay in it as you morph through variations of yourself on the way to some ultimate you that even then is far from final, for change is endless and you'll move through the pain of it and the joy of it whether or not you want to, so you might as well move to acceptance rather than resistance and just get that first-class brain (your mainstay, you like to think) get it out of the way because it only hinders you when you actually could be feeling the tides move through the sinews of your soul bringing you over and over to new, unexpected selves on and on through the ages of your life.

 

 
 
Copyright © 2022 Ann Tudor
Musings blog: http://www.scenesfromthejourney.blogspot.com
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Sunday, November 13, 2022

Continuing Education

 

So much I've learned in recent years. Lots of learnings about age and strength and how to live and how to live when you are (or might be) dying before your time. And about what is your time, after all? And about slowing down and how far that's supposed to go because what I thought was slowing down wasn't anywhere near what's required. Apparently. And then, required by whom? By what? Why can I not overdo if I want to, says the rebellious teen inside the part of me that's older (namely, my physical body).

 

And about luck. And grace. And how important it is to learn proper gratitude, appropriate gratitude for these gifts that it is way too easy to accept as my due or to think of as the reward for my extraordinary goodness, or awareness, or faithfulness. And I know—we all know—what a false inference that would be.

 

Specifically, I've learned about what wears me out. The next step is to learn what to do about it. The step after that is to enact what I've learned. The rebellious teen in me says: What? I'm just supposed to sit all day? The only way to save myself is to stop doing altogether?

 

This just shows us how stupid are the words of a rebellious teen, cutting off her nose to spite her face. No, I've learned (I am learning) of the different kinds of doing. I'm distinguishing, finally, the sheep from the goats, what fills me and what drains me. Good grief! That old story? Well, I guess so.

 

Going out into the world drains me. Being with more than two people at a time drains me. If I stay at home I can putter all day and feel myself as filled-up as our new large Brita water container. And even the routine of that fills me. I pour water from the quart measuring cup into the Brita as often as it needs doing during the day. So simple. So untaxing. So rewarding.

 

 

 
Copyright © 2022 Ann Tudor
Musings blog: http://www.scenesfromthejourney.blogspot.com
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Sunday, November 6, 2022

Occasional Gluttony

Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins. And one should avoid the occasions of sin. As it happens, two occasions collided recently and tempted me to my downfall.

 

Let's talk about croissants, which I love and which I eat about once every ten years—that is, whenever I feel like making a batch. They are time-consuming (though not difficult) to make, and we simply do not need to be tempted by an ovenful of butter.

 

Because I am a snob of the first rank, I don't buy commercial croissants. Why eat a croissant that isn't spectacular? Several times friends have assured us that this or that bakery has the best in town, but we've never felt inclined to schlep ourselves all over town, buy a couple of rolls, and then try to keep them fresh for the next day's breakfast.

 

Because that's when you eat croissants. With your café au lait in the morning. And for the record, you don't fill them with chocolate or almond paste or anything at all. Nor do you slice them for sandwiches.

 

Recently a friend told me of a local bakery that sells frozen unbaked croissants. By sheer serendipity I found myself at the place, Ma Maison, soon after and bought six frozen croissants, just to try. I thawed and proofed two of them overnight as instructed and baked them at 6:30 the next morning. That's the first occasion of sin.

 

At least once each fall I make a pumpkin pie. In years past I've made one, plus a pecan pie, to take as the dessert for Thanksgiving dinner (the second Monday of October, here in Canada) at our son's house (deep-fried turkey, mashed potatoes with lashings of butter, a green dish, an orange dish, and lots of condiments). But this year our host purchased the pies for dinner. He actually bought four pies to feed seven adults and two children. That would be the gluttony gene at work.

 

But this was not the occasion of my sin. The boughten pumpkin pie was not like mine, so I felt that I hadn't had my true pumpkin fix for the year. The day after Thanksgiving I made my own pie, using a new pumpkin type, as dense and red-orange as a Kabocha squash. The morning was busy but I still managed to put together a butter-and-lard crust and chilled it until I got home mid-afternoon.

 

I pureed the baked squash, milk, eggs, hint of molasses, sugar, and those spices that are perfect in a pumpkin pie and perfectly horrible in coffee, tea, and wherever else they throw them in these days: ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice—plus a bit of freshly ground black pepper.

 

I let the pie cool as long as I could bear (about 20 minutes) before cutting my first piece. It was the apotheosis of pumpkin pie. So I took a second piece, only slightly smaller than the first.

 

Here is where the two occasions of sin merge: The next morning I jettisoned any thoughts of a healthy breakfast. In addition to our respective hot beverages (coffee for Dino, chocolate tea with hot milk for me) we each had a large slice of pumpkin pie and a big fat golden brown freshly baked croissant. It's not a breakfast for every day, but it was delicious. Obviously, I then spent the morning in mild gastric discomfort because no one needs to eat that much pumpkin pie in an 18-hour period. And certainly not with a croissant to round out the meal. Having paid for my sin with a temporary upset stomach, I eagerly await my next opportunity to commit the sin of gluttony.

 

 
Copyright © 2022 Ann Tudor
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Sunday, October 30, 2022

Creativity, etc.

Creativity, etc.

 

"Unused creativity is not benign. It turns into grief. Do something with it." –Ray Bradbury

 

Oh, wow. Curse you, Ray Bradbury. Trying to light a fire under me, are you?

 

No, wait. I don't need to take this personally. When I hear a pronouncement like this—and react to it with guilt—I realize how narrow is my definition of creativity.

 

Somewhere in the depths of my mind I mistakenly imagine fiction as the ultimate (only authentic?) manifestation of creativity. So in this quote I see Ray urging me—nay, shoving me!—toward fiction as the only outlet for my creativity (which, if I don't use it, will turn to grief, etc.).

 

Well, Ray, I need to tell you why I won't be writing fiction any time soon. 1) I am incapable of imagining plots. 2) Dialogue, unless it is "me" talking to some other aspect of "me", is impossible for me. 3) The thought of trying to create a viable character—no, a whole story's worth of them—exhausts me. Which brings me to 4) I'm too lazy to want to apply myself to any of the above. To be more forgiving toward myself, I can say that I have too many other irons in the fire—and thus no time to devote to the impossible world of fiction.

 

Of course, Ray, you are not responsible for my narrow definition of creativity, are you? Let me expand it here. I can be creative in other aspects of my life, just not with a pen in my hand.  (And even with the pen, there are other forms than fiction to apply myself to.)

 

Having brandished my sword at Ray Bradbury's dragon and my own paper tiger, I will move on to talk about my real interest today: silence. Living in a large city I will never know the profound silence that, for example, Henning Mankell evokes when he describes Sweden's far north. City noise never sleeps.

 

Acting on my firm belief that everything is relative, however, I do notice silence in the city. It may not be complete, but in contrast to what we take for granted as normal, the sudden eruption of relative silence is deafening.

 

I remember walking south on Broadview from the subway station to Dearborn, the first cross street. Broadview traffic—heavy and heavily streetcar-laden—was the soup I swam in. As I reached the corner, ten feet ahead of me a worker was wheeling a rattle-trap cart loaded with recycling bins (bang, rattle-rattle, bang) from the front of his store on Broadview around the corner and into the alley behind the store.

 

It was Toronto. It was noisy. But it didn't really register as noise because it was so familiar. When I turned off Broadview onto Dearborn, the traffic noise disappeared. On this day, however, the noise continued as the cart rattle-rattled ahead of me.

 

Suddenly the worker turned into the alley with his wheelie-bins and stopped. All noise ceased and I was in a bubble of silence that washed over me like a blessing. Blessed-be for silence.

 

 

 
Copyright © 2022 Ann Tudor
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Sunday, October 23, 2022

A Leaf Moment

I'm no longer waiting for the immersion in Nature that part of me so desires. I'm no longer filled with envy for the experiences that others relate. I finally am admitting that I live in a city and will never build a cabin in the woods.

 

This week I saw a leaf fall. You'd think I might have seen this in the past. It's true that falling leaves in October are not a surprise to me, but this week I saw a leaf fall.

 

I was sitting in the upstairs front room, looking at the same neighbourhood scene that has been the view from that window for 44 years. The maple tree--whose leaves emerge red in the spring, turn green for summer celebration, and scatter gold on the ground in October--is half-undressed right now. It was a blue-sky day, mild with only occasional gusts of wind. As I looked at the familiar and empty scene, a yellow leaf floated by on its way to the pavement. Its trajectory was more varied and more animated even than the twirling fall of a maple key. This leaf inscribed long arcs against the blue, swooping to the right, back to the left, to the right—all the while descending, an elegant dancer

following her entrancing choreography.

 

And just as the yellow leaf touched the earth, another caught my eye, pirouetting its way from up to down. Then a gust of wind gave me a dozen leaves at once, not butterflying but racketing in a wind-driven decline. Then peace again. Nothing. Blank scene. And then a single leaf fell.

 

Inspired as I was by this leaf waltz, I was prepared to watch the entire deleafing of the tree, no matter how many days it might take. That part of my brain, however, was overridden by the part that must always get thing done, and before I knew it I was downstairs doing some mundane but necessary task—leaves forgotten.

 

But the leaf incident has legs. It won't leave my mind. The woods-envy that usually colours my life is disappearing (not gone yet, but diminishing). All I need to do is see what's here—take it in fully and gratefully—and my reward is immediate.

 

This isn't the first time I've had such a lesson. Our lives are spirals, after all, and we meet the same issues over and over, on different levels. But this time I made a deeper connection with the reality of the experience. Now I know the essential nature of sitting at that window to see what might occur.

 

In fact, it is that same window that has afforded me the awareness of water drops clinging to the telephone wire like the beads of a necklace. And, in the summer, the sight of an army of ants, in single file, marching in both directions along that wire. Just open the eyes. Open the eyes.

 

 
Copyright © 2022 Ann Tudor
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Sunday, October 16, 2022

An Apology

What is needed is

not a blanket apology

but one rich in specificity,

the rare recognition of one's complicity

in the ignorings and unrightable wrongs

that arise from our very existence.

More often we don't bother

to see our roles so clearly.

The parts we play seem small.

I am only one, we whisper.

Yet ramifications circle the globe,

touching everything.

All this is true,

and just thinking of what I have left out,

not done,

failed to acknowledge

makes me want to take to my bed

to avoid

inadvertently

doing more harm.

 

 
 
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Sunday, October 9, 2022

Plato in the Hoosier State

I don't remember a lot from my university philosophy courses (and god forbid I should have stirred my stumps to upgrade my knowledge since then), but I do vaguely recall the idea of a Platonic ideal.

 

Pretending that I know what that means, I hereby dedicate myself to recovering the Platonic ideal of Hoosier chicken and dumplings.

 

That's what I call the dish, though I suspect its origins are more "Old Order" or Amish than actually native to Indiana. But the Hoosier state is where I ate it, so Hoosier it is to me.

 

And now I must confess that my mother never, to my knowledge, made this dish. She was not, after all, a native Hoosier but a transplanted woman of the world masquerading as a small-town Indiana housewife. Maybe the Old Guard—or some loose union of farm wives—never let her in on the secret.

 

Our Aunt Jeannette, wife of our father's brother John T., was the farm wife in question who made chicken and dumplings. This was a family dish, not a company one, so Jeannette didn't serve this when we came to dinner. In fact, the very first time I remember tasting Hoosier chicken and dumplings was at John T.'s funeral, when I was in my 40s. So, hardly a childhood memory.

 

Now, I love dumplings. Normal North American dumplings are essentially biscuit dough that is dropped by spoonfuls onto the top of a bubbling soup or stew. The lid is clapped on immediately and the stew or soup simmers for another 15 or 20 minutes while the steam cooks the biscuit dough. A very excellent dish.

 

But this is not Hoosier chicken and dumplings. Aunt Jeannette's dish was a rich chicken broth thickened with a slurry of flour and cold stock. Chicken meat was chunked up and added. The "dumplings" were actually a quick noodle dough rolled out to an eighth of an inch and cut into two-inch squares or diamonds before being dropped into the broth for cooking. The finished dish was a lightly thickened soup filled with chicken meat and noodles as soft as silk that slipped down your throat without benefit of chewing, if that's how you liked to eat them. The whole thing was usually over-salted, but I would never complain about that.

 

Several months ago I found a recipe. Not on-line, since that would be too active an approach for me. I prefer, apparently, to wait half a lifetime watching for the serendipitous appearance of whatever it is—in this case, a recipe for chicken and dumplings.

 

So yesterday I made Hoosier chicken and dumplings according to that accidentally found recipe. It was good, very filling, but it didn't even come close to my Platonic ideal of the dish. So now, having done the serendipity method, I'm off to interrogate Chef Google. He is sure to have two dozen or more recipes, so I'll pick and choose and alter and tweak and try it again. It was the noodles that were wrong in my attempt. Too thick and not soft enough. Perhaps it was the fact that one-third of the flour I used was spelt flour instead of all-purpose. Too much of a tweak.

 

This is a classic rural dish, most likely, as I said, of Mennonite or similar origin—thus essentially a German peasant dish. So it can't be that hard to make. If Aunt Jeannette—my mother's nemesis in so many ways—if Aunt Jeannette could turn out the Platonic version of Hoosier chicken and dumplings, then by golly so can I!

 

 

 
Copyright © 2022 Ann Tudor
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Sunday, October 2, 2022

How I Wait

How I wait depends on the exigencies of the day.

The obvious opposites are these:

Impatiently.

Patiently.

Really the two rock bottom ways to wait.

 

But also eagerly. Resignedly.

Hopelessly. Hopefully. Courageously.

Passively. Aggressively.

Quietly. Tumultuously.

Invisibly.

 

And no matter the how,

the heart of it all is the waiting.

We know the inevitable

but the key is to forget it,

transcend it,

fill our hearts so completely

that there's no room for inevitables

or for waiting, no matter

how we festoon it with modifying adverbs.

 

We are waiting.

We need to know this

but then to forget it and go about our business.

Fully.

 

 
Copyright © 2022 Ann Tudor
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Sunday, September 25, 2022

Let's Think about It

It's better (best, even)

that I not think.

For too long I've allowed the cerebral

to guide me,

and the result has been

nothing to write home about.

No, from here on

(and I wonder how long that "on" will be)

it'll be me and the heart,

the feeling,

the sensing.

Oh, I might need to filter

the occasional event through the brain,

but my clear intention is to keep the brain

out of it.

Once I drop the thinking

there'll be a lot of sinking

into the softness of what can be soft;

into the pain of what is and cannot be otherwise;

into the pure joy of tiny sights and scenes;

into the wonders that arise from

accepting radical benevolence as a watchword.

 
 
 
Copyright © 2022 Ann Tudor
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Sunday, September 18, 2022

Envy

Despite long years of being aware of it,

I still tend to personalized and compare,

thereby

(I have to admit this)

diminishing the impact of the original event.

 

For example,

Mary Oliver's wren in the privet

singing his prayer with enthusiasm

awakens my envy.

I don't have a privet hedge,

let alone one that's home to a singing wren.

I don't walk out the door of a morning

notebook in hand

to record the early beauties of a day—

because eight months of the year

it's too friggin' frigid to go out.

 

I see how this envy

corrodes my soul

and diminishes the joy

that I could otherwise take

from hearing about

the heart-stopping song

of a wren.

 

 

Copyright © 2022 Ann Tudor
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Sunday, September 11, 2022

Yearning

Sometimes I think we humans yearn to the exclusion of all else. Instead of living, we yearn for the next thing. Instead of noticing, or resting, or dwelling in the embers of our sometimes fiery hearts, we yearn. We could imagine worlds of pleasure made from the very stones beneath our trudging feet. But no. We yearn for what we don't have. Can't have, even, because . . . because life.

 

To yearn is not a sin or a fault. But to the extent that such yearning prohibits us from being in our life, it is a waste.

 

 
 
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Sunday, September 4, 2022

Epiphanies

Anything, any time, any place can be the stuff of epiphanies. It's limiting to think that an epiphany will come to you only while you are meditating. The whole point of an epiphany is that it comes unexpectedly.

 

I guess you can prepare for one. Writers are often advised to seat themselves at the desk for, say, two hours every day, whether or not they find something to write about during those hours. The idea is that they will be "ready" when the Muse comes. They will have prepared themselves, paid the dues; and they will eventually be rewarded.

 

Epiphanies may be the same. It is probably true that an epiphany can come to you while you wash the dishes or hang out the clothes. But one is more likely to arrive if you have regularly and assiduously primed the pump by meditating or praying or otherwise making yourself available to the workings of Spirit (or God or Grandmother Earth).

 

I live for epiphanies. I am greedy for them beyond belief. More intense than a sugar addict's yearning for a Snickers bar is my insatiable desire for a transcendent moment. And like any addict, I do not find my appetite sated when I experience such a moment. On the contrary. Once I know it can happen (it happened recently, in fact) then I immediately crave another hit. It's a lucky thing that I never tried drugs, because I can't answer for how I would have dealt with my desire.

 

No, I'm lucky that my jones is for epiphanies. I can watch and wait for the next even while reliving the previous ones. The mind's eye is useful for remembering. And although memory isn't always reliable in my case, even lost memories will eventually resurface.

 

 
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Sunday, August 28, 2022

Perched Around Me

Perched around me are the robins of my life.

Hardly tame,

they remain creatures of Nature.

Yet in every tree I find them,

from every tree I hear them,

perched as they go about their

robinly concerns,

They are not there for me

but for the joy of their own existence.

Like the mountain goat leaping over abysses

for the fun of it

(or to get to the other side, as the hen

crosses the road).

Like those other unselfconscious

beings of light,

the robins live for themselves.

But the sight and sound of them,

the knowledge of what we share,

brings me back,

again and again,

from the brink.

Perched around me are the robins of my life.

 
 
 
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Sunday, August 21, 2022

Where Are the Words of Yeteryear?

It all started with steel cut oats. Which I love. But about eight or nine months ago I couldn't find the name of those oats that have such a great texture. I would say "cracked oat groats", and then I would look helplessly to DinoVino and say, "What are they called?" and he would tell me "steel cut oats". And a couple of weeks later the same thing would happen. When I looked in my mind for that name I'd find a neutral but unmistakable emptiness. A nothing, in fact.

 

As I groped for substitute words I sometimes came up with "stone ground oats" but I knew that was wrong. They weren't milled or ground. And so I would look to DinoVino again and again say, "What's the real name?" and he would tell me.

 

This went on for months. Lucky is the person who has a patient other person around to give the answer to such questions.

 

One day I was able to make a connection. Stone ground—which I could pretty reliably access—started with s-t-, just like steel cut. And from that little similarity I was able to lead my mind to steel cut every time—though I usually had to pass through stone   ground on the way.

 

And look at me: steelcut oats. Steelcut oats. With nary a hesitation. A true success story.

 

This experience led me to my own neurological theory. As part of the microangiopathy (a fancy name for an aging brain), neural pathways are blocked all over the place. The little neurotransmitters that have so faithfully and reliably led me to the words I needed throughout my whole life are now randomly blocked. Here and there. Access denied. Connections destroyed. Gone. Not gone the way they were fifteen years ago when I blithely talked about mice eating my brain. Because in those days it was just a question of waiting for an hour or a day or a week  and then the lost word (words) would arrive as it they'd never gone away.

 

This new loss was different. Nothing was there. A black hole was where something should be. Used to be.

 

But with the steel cut oats, I realized that I had consciously created a new pathway. A roundabout but successful new road for the little neural things to follow. Steel cut oats were still there. The WAY to them had been lost, so I'd built a new road in order to access the words.

 

Well, there you are. Problem solved. Just start right in and do that for every missing word. But here's the real problem: you don't know what's missing until you reach for it and find the nothing.

 

After a robbery the police always ask (standing in the middle of an overturned room), "Is anything missing?" Well, how the dickens are you supposed to know that? How can you pinpoint a negative? It won't be until you need something, you reach for something, that you'll be able to say, "Oh, THAT's what's missing!" And I suppose that you then call the detective in charge of your case and say, "Oh yes. My favourite coat is gone. Or my best frying pan. Or my new face cream." (Do thieves steal face cream? Probably depends on the brand name . . .)

 

Back to the brain. So until there's a way to take inventory of my words, I won't know what's gone. It'll only be when I try to find it that it will make itself known by its absence.

 

And then I guess I'll focus on that need and create a new pathway for it. And there you are: I'll have two successes: that one (whatever it might be) and the steel cut oats one. When you think of the memories stored in the cloud of my mind—words, events, joys, sorrows—it's daunting to imagine retrieving them one by one. One by one. One by one. More likely I'll muddle through, asking DinoVino when necessary, and forging those new pathways only for the words that are truly important to me--like steel cut oats.

 

 
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