Scenes from Childhood: Thinking Good Thoughts

Scenes from Childhood: Thinking Good Thoughts

 

When I was in my teens, we used to call our mother an ostrich. We children felt that she kept her head in the sand. She would not look at the world squarely. I remember being incensed by this when I was an adolescent. I was trying to figure out the world and I could have used some help. But I got none from her. Instead she tried to lead me to be more like her, less judgmental, less critical. I'll admit that being less judgmental might have improved my prospects, but this was not something that I was willing to learn from my mother. She refused to see the world as it was (i.e., as I saw it), and this drove me crazy.

 

One day my mother and I were discussing a family that attended our church. Their older daughter, whom I'll call Jane, was a year ahead of me in school.

 

Jane was very polite to all the older folk at our church, passing the time of day with them after Sunday Mass, while my own inclination was to avoid contact with anyone at all; I just wanted to get away from people, to race home and put my nose in a book.

 

One day Eileen and I, sitting at the dining room table, were discussing Jane and her family, and Eileen was extolling Jane's virtues, along the lines of "why can't you be more like . . .?"

 

This approach has never, to my knowledge, changed any teenager's behavior in any way. In order to defend myself and perhaps open Eileen's eyes a little, I said, "Jane has a bad reputation at school."

 

"What does that mean?" asked Eileen.

 

"You know. Everyone says she's loose. Everyone says she makes out a lot. You know. With boys." I was stumbling a bit, not really sure what this all might mean.

 

There was a silence. At last, I thought, Eileen is coming face to face with reality. After all, she had always emphasized that sexual misbehavior was the worst shame a teenager could inflict on her family. Finally Eileen would have to admit that not everything is the way she thinks it is.

 

The silence continued.

 

And then Eileen said, "Oh no, that can't be true. I know it isn't true. Jane is always so nice to older people."

 

And that was the end of that discussion.

 

Copyright 2007 Ann Tudor
www.anntudor.ca