On Being Set in Stone

I have spent my life in resistance to being pinned down. Whatever the question—whether it's "what's for dinner?" or "what are your views on life after death?"—I can't give a definitive answer, because whatever I come up with will change. The leftovers I'm combining on the fly might very well morph into a different dish entirely between the time I answer your question and the time I call you to dinner. Similarly, a careful exposition of my view on the afterlife can take a 180 if I read a well-turned sentence presenting a contrary idea. I'm exquisitely sway-able.

 

So you see why I am reluctant to be pinned down. Whatever I say is liable to be turned into a lie. Better to say nothing.

 

Which makes it pretty surprising that I agreed to be videotaped for a website called "The Wisdom Speakers." At first I agreed because I was flattered and I'm a sucker for flattery. And then our conversation, held a few weeks before taping, was great fun: two charming young things, Nicole and Gilles, asking me questions and actually hearing my answers! It doesn't get much better than that.

 

The videotaping itself, during which I answered question after question about aging, seemed like just as much fun as that earlier conversation. A few hours after they had left, however, I began revisiting some of my answers and became aware that there was more to say about this question, or   that I should have put in a few qualifiers to balance some of the definite-sounding answers. I panicked. I had gone on record. I had let myself be pinned down—and I'd gone into it with my eyes open.

 

When I emailed Gilles and Nicole about my post-taping panic, Gilles assured me that they wouldn't make me look foolish (or, more to the point, they wouldn't let ME make myself look foolish).

 

But there I am now, pinned like a butterfly to a board, on record for global viewing. I've gone on record. Is this the same person who won't even announce the evening's menu at five o'clock because it may change by six?

 

 

Copyright 2012 Ann Tudor

www.anntudor.ca
http://www.scenesfromthejourney.blogspot.com