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So much I've learned in recent years. Lots of learnings about age and strength and how to live and how to live when you are (or might be) dying before your time. And about what is your time, after all? And about slowing down and how far that's supposed to go because what I thought was slowing down wasn't anywhere near what's required. Apparently. And then, required by whom? By what? Why can I not overdo if I want to, says the rebellious teen inside the part of me that's older (namely, my physical body).
And about luck. And grace. And how important it is to learn proper gratitude, appropriate gratitude for these gifts that it is way too easy to accept as my due or to think of as the reward for my extraordinary goodness, or awareness, or faithfulness. And I know—we all know—what a false inference that would be.
Specifically, I've learned about what wears me out. The next step is to learn what to do about it. The step after that is to enact what I've learned. The rebellious teen in me says: What? I'm just supposed to sit all day? The only way to save myself is to stop doing altogether?
This just shows us how stupid are the words of a rebellious teen, cutting off her nose to spite her face. No, I've learned (I am learning) of the different kinds of doing. I'm distinguishing, finally, the sheep from the goats, what fills me and what drains me. Good grief! That old story? Well, I guess so.
Going out into the world drains me. Being with more than two people at a time drains me. If I stay at home I can putter all day and feel myself as filled-up as our new large Brita water container. And even the routine of that fills me. I pour water from the quart measuring cup into the Brita as often as it needs doing during the day. So simple. So untaxing. So rewarding.
Musings blog: http://www.scenesfromthejourney.blogspot.com
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